Ok, I get it!!

Ahhhh!! Yes yes! I get it!!! I have some things to learn!!! Jeeeeez.

My sis and I were talking over the weekend about situations we find ourselves in... what is the purpose of it all? And when will it change? We came up with this - in situations where we find ourselves facing difficulties, it really isn't about the other persons involved, nor is it about any other external thing you can find - though this is the almost immediate reaction. Rather, it's about YOU. And more than likely, the situation would not 'change' unless you get the point!

To me, it's God's way of 'teaching' us.

But you know what... I GET IT!! I have things to overcome!

What doesn't kill will make you stronger... or even better: What doh kill does fatten, and what doh fatten does purge! At least I hope so...

A small incident - we all know by now that I am treated differently in my department... I have been asking for an umbrella (you know, those nice big company ones...) for some time now... nada. I got upset and grudged at 'this blasted place', as I usually do - with the telephone, the training... and more recently, with my PC (more on that later). Yesterday, it was raining yet again (rainy season), and I just decided in a mild, unangry state-of-mind, that I would go buy an umbrella today. I mean, I wasn't cursing my company for ignoring my plea, I was genuinely like "oh, you know what? I should get an umbrella before I get ill again" kinda thing... calm, collected, and finally over the grudge. I visited my brother after going to see Click last night (such a nice movie) to pick up some laundry I left at his place, and just like that he asked "you want an umbrella?" "Oh, no it's fine... I'll run to the car, thanks", I replied. "No no... I don't mean now, I mean would you like an umbrella... as in to keep - I got loads of extras". I wasn't expecting it, and was stunned and so appreciative... it was so symbolic.

A small example, but it taught me a principle... yes, I get it... until I get a grip and let anger and strife go, I won't progress. Geez.

The most recent of work issues - PC upgrades... everyone's getting it. I mean, everyone. In fact, these things are so monstrous - fastest of fast, storage like a frickin' server! However, when my PC crashed (dunno what went on... I came in on Sunday to get a figure for the Big Boss and pow - no connection to the server... ah well), and there was no way to repair it, what does Zuper get? I get Dell to come in to repair it. Nope - no upgrade - no new monster, no flat screen - same ol' TV monitor. If that wasn't bad enough, since the PC's been down for 2 days now, I got this tiny... TINY laptop to work on in the meantime... everyone else in my office has laptops AND docking stations - both having 17 inch screens... what's a girl to do.... oi.

I was so ill yesterday and so tired of it all, after I asked the senior engineer why I won't get a new PC too and he said that I have to "fight for it" ... I gave up, went home early, drugged with Panadol and ever so down. I cried and cried on my way home... I cried myself to sleep... fedup with the same treatment over and over... the last one - the one in which I lost all loyalty to the company - was when they got me the CD-Rom training rather than sending me to San Fran. for the actual "overseas" training. Mind you, this is all while everyone else in the department gets to go on overseas training (actually overseas!!) at least twice a year.

What is the lesson here?! I get that I have to learn something... but I guess the anger I hold is preventing me from seeing it for now... And I know that unless I let it go soon, I won't get to progress - either within this company or elsewhere.

I should get back to that backedup work I have...




*Zue swims into the flood of work leftover - perched over the tiniest laptop she's ever seen...*