Confused

So, there's this sms that was sent to me by a friend asking me to describe him in one word and to pass it on. So I did. I got two replies - one from my brother (M.M. - the zuper one). And he - knowing me oh-so-well - sent back the following message:

In one word... Confused.

Ouch.

How the truth stings.

It has been on my mind since... I KNOW that I'm one confused duckie, but I guess hearing it from him (and we all know how he affects me!!)... I really have to do something about this crap.

How I decided things in the past - I never really was "passionate" about anything... I would just choose, and close my eyes and DO. Not look back, or around... I'd make my mind up by force.

I just thought that with time, you'd someone learn yourself and thus decisions would then be made more "wisely" (whatever that means) and would be based on your... well, on YOU.

Perhaps I do not know myself.

What the heck does "knowing yourself" mean, anyways?

Perhaps, then, it is time to revert to the older (trusted?) technique... diving nose first, eyes closed.

I've just become so afraid... afraid of all kinds of monsters... the monster that calls itself The Bank. The monster that drinks gas (premium gas, at that). The monster called "social life". What about the monster... that horrid most disgusting monster called Student Loan?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Ok... I gotta stop before I pee myself.

Sometimes I think M.M. (big bro) is my conscience. I've been hanging out with a... er... "different" crowd recently... and everything he has to say has been conscience-like. After telling me about being confused in one email recently, here's what he had to say:

...don’t mask your lack of direction with laughs and limes…

Darn you... darn you to heck!

Why is he always on the button? Cheese and gauges, man...

So, this weekend... I am going to make ONE decision and dive into it...

But what about...

Wha what about...

WHAT ABOUT .... AIDS!


teehee.



*Zuper... yuh too fleckin' spoilt ... suppose yuh was yuh mudder - at 23 having 5 chirren arredy, eh? Yuh want to talk 'bout decisions then?! eh?! shit man...*