Milo - I'm sorry

Last Thursday my adopted dog died.

He was unique dog... he really had a mind of his own - seriously. I remember trying to squeeze through the gate cuz him with his small self would ooze pass any little aperture. And when he'd run out, no call, no suck on the teeth, no nada would he respond to. In fact, I think he would ignore you the more you called him!

One day he did run away before I adopted him... and he stayed away for nearly a week or so. My big bro, M, found him wandering around a nearby street. He picked him up, realised he had gotten into a fight and had to slice off that bad ear. So he was one cute, 'ignorant', bad-minded, independent fellow.

I detested him at first... he really hurt my feelings. When M moved up "nort" I would go to feed milo daily. And one day, I went "awww... come here cutie... lonely, love? You lonely?" About to pet his cute strawberry blond head when "grrrr - SNAP" - mofo bit me! THAT MOFO BIT ME!!!! My feelings were hurt more than anything.

Yeah, he was a weird guy... but I did grow to love him when I moved in. He did this dance everytime I got home - post-squeezing in the gate, of course - with the rot next door... they'd run up and down the length of the house barking at each other - a true dance.

One day, when just pulling the gate apart and eezing my way through, I realised he didn't get up to rush outside (I'd actually let him go for a while... have his fun in the "wild" of Greenvale Gardens). Went up to him to see if he was ok. He wagged his taile, barked and let me rub his tummy. Hmm... he must be in a mood. But I so knew something was amiss.

Next day - still no rush, and now laying around... breathing a bit more heavily. So I checked his food bowl - well, at least he's eating.

Came home - same thing...

Next day - now not even pulling his head up... hmm...

That afternoon, I vowed him to take him to the vet. Called the vet, they were closing in half hour... may not make it. So I got some salts and some water and shoved it in his throat... looked around - perhaps he bit a frog? Maybe one of the mushrooms in the yard?

He resisted the salty water... but I saw that though he was eating, his water bowl was full. He was dehydrated. So I continued to shove the liquid in his throat. He eventually got the strength to shove me off and walk away. I saw his pained crawl, and promised that night that I'd take time off work to take him to the vet.

And I did...

And when I got home, he was laying in the drain.

I walked up to him... a shot of fear and no no no no no streaming now...

His mouth was ajar, and so were his eyes... he was dead...

I screamed and screamed and cried and ran into the house...

I knew his pain, I knew something was wrong three days prior, but I waited til it was convenient to ME to take him...

I killed my dog with my selfishness.

I looked into my bubble of a world instead of looking at the bigger picture, at the horizon... and it killed a loved one.

I'm so sorry Milo... I miss you.