Whosalosa?

I am sooooo procrastinating right now... I kinda need to clean up my desk and organise some stuff (monthly report is basically done), however...

Should I fight this procrastinating habit? It was so much easier to make changes when younger - it was not too much pressure to starve myself until I felt good enough in my own skin, or becoming vegetarian (well, for almost a year, anyways), or anything that required - basically - a change in day-to-day living.

Why?

It's not like I'm super comfortable now so much so that I feel no need to really change... au contraire. However, I give less than a rat's ras about people's perception of me... I mean, before, my motivation seemed mainly external... er... is that right? Er... I'm confused now... cuz I think I was more content then than I am now, and actually, thinking about it... I am very concerned about how I am perceived... Jeez... I think I'm crazily confused (*nah, you're fine... just stick with me, and we'd be just fine...*) - Huh?! Who said that?!

Is there a way to train yourself to be more decisive? I don't think I'm that badly off, I just seem so and well - I dunno *hehe*... for instance, on the coffee-thing with Mr. B.J. I kinda shifted around before settling on which table I wanted to sit at... but, as he also noted, I had something in mind - I didn't want that one cuz the lighting was too bright, nor that one cuz the lighting was uneven and so close to the glass wall that I felt any passer-by would bump into me or could see up my nose... not even that one, either, cuz it was too much in the open - middle of the floor? Don't think so. So we found the perfect one - next to a plant, against a wall, shady but not-too-dark lighting and the window close enough to feel open yet just a good enough distance away to feel that - yes, we are inside the shop and not actually sitting on the road. It had the comfy feeling - j'h-know? So, though it looked as if I just couldn't choose, I just had to have an ideal-ish feeling before I could sit. Who doesn't do that?! *They're weird* I agree... but who said that?!

I always had that problem - with idealism... I remember when reading up for this assignment for the Crowther course (Semiotics - remember, K? Good times at 4am nearing summertime and hearing you scream out "F*cking birds!" at the end of an all-nighter) on Reynolds' philosophy on art and ideals... even then he noted that though the ideal state (which everything apparently has) could never ever be attained, artists keep striving to capture it - with each 'time' being a step further to achieving it than the last.

So why can't I just accept that - look, I cannot achieve the 'ideal life' I probably have in mind - and though I can strive for it, I should just be content with accepting that that's all it is - striving for the ideal, and fine enough with each progressive stage.

Bleh :P

*You talk too much crap* - Yuck Fou.




*Zuper is off to find some structure - well, at least after she finishes her tea and then checks her emails, and voicemail, and ... Zu! You're drifting again! Darn it...*