"We regret to inform you... "

Yeah, I got one of those letters... no plaid-skirted men for me this year.

I feel a transition coming on... you know those times in your life where you're neither here nor there, but you're on a move... it's exciting, really. Well, it's not EXACTLY 'exciting' the first time around... I remember just before my first job, fresh outta jub-jub, the anxiety was deafeningly loud. Or what about that time when I had resigned from 'hell' without knowing if I was accepted into uni.

Thank God for the cushions he's surrounded me with - I've always either landed on my feet, bounced right back, or had a good crash with a comfortable ending to have a good nap on.

I was a bit disappointed - though not shocked - by this morning's news. I also got the news when my Super-Guy was just next to me... when I read the email out loud, he didn't even twitch before reassuringly patting my leg, repeating discussions we've been having alot recently - i.e. other opportunities, pending applications yet to be answered, new possibilities to research.

The older I get, the more crucial the decisions become, yes, but that doesn't equate nerve-biting breakdowns and disappointments. It's almost condradicting itself - when you're younger, you have "more time to make mistakes and quickly learn from them", and though this is true, disappointments seemed tougher back then. Perhaps I've learnt how to handle let-downs and the assurance of the fact that something's gotta give at some point helps. Also, maybe I trust my decisions more so now than before, and being more confident in myself, I understand and accept the competition.

*Soooo... you believe in "what is for you, is for you?"*

Heck-a, no. I say it sometimes, but I don't believe in it. I trust in the fact that I have a hand in everything I do - good and bad. Perhaps because I know people to live by this rule and sit back and let life live for them. Bleh... leaves a bad taste just typing it.

There are reasons why I did not get that post... reasons based on my past, on the interview impression, the written essay, other people's past, their interview impressions, their written essays, emotional judging, academic judging, common-sense-ical judging... I can't be exhaustive here - the list will be too long and I'm not capable of coming up with all options on my own. I have a part to play in those things, and in some of the other things I actually could not control. And ma-ma-mah... I'm fine 'n' dandy with that, yessir.

There are a few other things up in the air, but my project wrap-up is crucial at this point... it's make or break, and I intend to be made.










*Zuper flashes off into thin-bedded pay - the land of bleh-bleh-bleh's and headless chickens!*