For just a moment, Paulo read my words

... I've been reading his words and finally... FINALLY mine have been read by him! For even a mere couple minutes, Paulo Coehlo and I met - virtually. We connected and pondered on the same topic.

There are two mortals I adore this much - him, and Alanis.

This really really made my flecking day!

http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2009/06/29/todays-question-by-the-reader-sue-ann-marquis/

Furry Olives and Angry Goats

Ugh! When I woke up and saw that olive skin and that furry body, I thought, "Please, God, let it be a giant furry olive."

How many times does the obvious sit in front of us, staring and glaring, and yet we still pray for it to be a completely different scenario - no matter how unrealistic or ridiculous it may be? How many furry olives have we wished and hoped for?

Why deny the obvious? The results of our actions? I know it's hard... but the situation wouldn't change even if you wish upon the most promising of stars.

Truth is and always will be the truth. Results are results. Physics - to every action, there is a reaction.

An aim of mine (you know, we always set these personal goals) is to accept situations as they are - with grace and poise - and deal with them - again with g & p.

Switcharoo - HW contacted me - once again - about my grades to see if I qualify to an awesomest opportunity... and whaddyaknow - no grades available TO DATE... heck, not even a reply on how, when, nada... grrrrr...

Switcharootoo - Sooo... I'm lagging behind on my structuring - I want to structure myself and everything around me

*freeeak*

no no... really... simple things, like I went to grab some lunch, looked in my wallet, and the cash is all squeezed and bundled and - unstructured.

INTERJECTION IMPORTANTEEEEE - what the feck? Y'know, I tolerate alot...

*sure*

ok ok - so I'm a bit short at times... but what really really gets me mad - almost as mad as the goat on Sesame Street - is when people step across the courtesy line... WHY do people assume they can speak to another person in any manner they deem as fit? When there is little to no tie between two people, especially, isn't it risky to assume you know how to communicate with each other? Thus, ain't generic courtesy the rule? I have just been ordered by my equal - who is supposed to be here with me right now - to research a topic that is unfamiliar - rather, completely foreign - to me to send to her... no explanations as to why, what for, nothing... well yuh know once that line has been crossed, I deem the conversation null and void. I mean, it's like a furry olive - the obvious just doesn't exist - and just like that, the conversation never happened. I don't even remember being on the phone... hmm... wink

*THAT'S your way of dealing with it?*

Look, at least I can converse with my colleague again - the discomfort and line crossing manner doesn't exist.

*Furry olive...*

Que sera...


Anyhoooozzzz ... structure! Yes, so for example, I have clothes on the spare bed because - well, because it's not in use and it's soooo much easier to dump them there than pack them away each and every wash.

*wait wait... so.... iz lazy yuh lazy?!*

Mebbe...

And after paying another 500 TTD for this month's phone bill, I realise - yuh know what? I really have to structure things! Keep track and get back in control...

I know that I slacked off alot since not earning an income... something about being a student again made me feel oh too dependent... but if I want to move to where the men wear skirts and say "ay" for yes, then I gotta shape up!

And yeah - that means with food too (yep - I prepared myself breakfast, lunch and snacks for today - all of which were demolished before 10am... ahem!).


I found this to be zupa:


Paying for the same thing three times
There is a legend in the region of Punjab, about a thief who broke into
a farm and stole two hundred onions. But before he could make his escape,
he was caught by the farmer and led before the judge.
The magistrate past sentence: the payment of ten gold pieces. But the
man alleged that the fine was too high, so the judge offered him two alternatives:
to be whipped twenty times, or eat the two hundred onions.
The thief chose to eat the two hundred onions. When he had eaten
twenty-five, his eyes were already filled with tears, and his stomach was
burning up like the fires of hell. Since there were still 175 to go, and he
knew he would never bear this punishment, he begged to be thrashed
twenty times.
The judge agreed. But when the whip tore into his back for the tenth
time, he implored for the punishment to be stopped, for he could not
stand the pain. His wish was granted, but the thief still had to pay the
ten pieces of gold.
- If you had accepted the fine, you would have avoided eating the
onions and wouldn’t have suffered with whip - said the judge. - But you
preferred the more difficult path, not understanding that, when you
have done wrong, it is better to pay up quickly and forget the matter.

So Unsexy

Oh these little rejections
how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think
I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could

Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
I'm 13 again am I 13 for good?

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated

When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?

Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me


When we see a supposed stable individual, we automatically think – wow, I’d give anything to be of such sound mind. Well, is there such a thing as feeling contentment 24/7? Is it possible to achieve perfect calmness and stability in this life?

I’d use the excuse – oh, when I get more money, or oftentimes, yeah, I’d get to that when my life stabilizes a bit more, or even: wouldn’t it be perfect if I had more power/authority/popularity??… It would always be perfect WHEN ____ happens. What total BS! But I’m sure not the only one who uses such excuses daily. Let’s look at the factors already mentioned:

Money: Sure, money can bring a form of comfort and security *dribbles and daydreams – mmmmm… financial stability….* But I’ve had a good-ish salary before, and I still didn’t feel like I was on any certain great path or self-awareness, self-satisfaction, or felt like any liver-of-life (ew… liver…). As a matter of fact, I did some pretty darn stupid things! Besides, Britney has so much money, and she still shaved her head and married K-Fed.

Stability: What does that even mean? I think I have an idea, but any time I try to act out the image in my head, I feel like a square peg in a not-so-square hole. There are so many variables in the stability equation… I mean, it could be seen as time-dependent, income-dependent, whatever-floats-your-boat-dependent! Besides, I thought Britney – on paper – should be stable… and well, she still shaved her head and married K-Fed.

Power/authority/popularity – Look, Britney shaved her head and married K-Fed... k?

I’m not saying that these things don’t help with stability… they could have major impacts on they way people live, and as such in their lives and well-beings… however, none of them seem to be “it”. I guess the question is, what is “it” then? Wait, is there even an “it”???

I want “it”… I want “it” good…

Some would say that religion is “it”. Some may even argue that love in general is “it”. I’ve dabbled in both – and though strong contenders – I don’t think they are “it”… in fact, God does put you through trials and tribulations, and there are times when you’d still feel down and out, insufficient, inept, indeed! – so there’s never a 24/7 total control of “feel good” time. Love: for sure we’ve all had hands-on experience that even when it does feel like “it”, that feeling fades, disappears, or even reappears stronger in another source! We all know that each and every relationship – no matter now deep – we still fall – in and out, up and down, all over! Such motion is NOT representative of stability.

But still… there are some people out there that have that look… that certain something that tells me – hey, I’m a happy person. Now, I can think of why they’re happy, and when they’re happy, but I’m sure it ain’t 24/7. Maybe just realizing that could help…

“’Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knowsHow to make it work, or how to ease the hurtWe’ve heard it all before, that everybody knowsHow to make it right, I wish we gave it one more try”

His surname ain’t Legend for nuthin!

*Misery loves company*

No no… not that extreme

*But it’s the idea*

Well, not really – if you view it that way, then there could be some side effects to taking that pill… bitterness, jealousy, negativity… just plain ol’ nastiness! It’s more like an acceptance that whatever ideal you have in your head, it will never be without its own ups and downs and sideways… that there are highs and lows to experience in everything and everywhere, and that your reaction and perception can play a heftier role than such externalities!

Let the tears mean something – don’t let them fall in vain. Learn from your always-there-friends: Sorrow and Pain.

Taste the clouds when you’re up high – appreciate and always remember those times.

And never… ever… EVER let a perception of you define you- let it remain as purely a perception, never reality. This is a battle I’m currently facing, and I’m yet to see the end. I want Victory so bad, but my vision is so blurred by what I’m seen to be – I can’t see past those who hold such opinions (yep, they’re not just in my way, they’re fat too!).

One thing is for sure – I ain’t throwing in the towel… I’m a-fightin’ on.

*But I don’t wanna…*

Well, yuh hafta…



*And I hope one day you’ll see, nobody has it easy…*