Balls-less snazz

... but snazz nonetheless!!!

When I tell you SNAZZ! I am wearing - ahem - one of the snazziest jackets I have EVER seen... it fits like perfection - small and neat - and so uber-comfy. Whew.

Balls-less... yes, still did not bring it up with mom... will call her today - *I think*.

On the note I ended on last time - can you believe the horrid act was performed by two 14-year-old boys??? Want to know the even more horrid part of that? At that age, they will not get convicted, but rather sent to some dysfunctional boys' home where they can do it again! So today we - in Trinidad - wear black as a nation to mourn little Sean Luke and to protest this horrid killing. He is now in a better place, though, where the pain of his death is forgotten and long past. Bless God.
I was very upset about it - but this is not the first and only situation of the sort - once, in England, some teenaged boys lured some young boys from their families in a shopping mall, took them to the train tracks and tied them onto it, sat and waited for the trains to come and roll over them... I wanted to barf... but my sister said something - we are in no way to judge them, though we want to and do it by default, but we have no idea what is the truth going on behind all these acts, and thus we should trust that God - in His infinite wisdom - does what He sees as fit. God Bless each and every situation and each and every soul involved.

There is a story that I always hold near:

Two men - one passes by and kicks a nearby cat. The other - well - does something else much less violent... who is the more holy?

Ans: The man who kicked the cat... why? Because - due to his past and current situations, what he wanted to do to that cat was far worse than kicking it - but he held back. The other man had grown up in a good family - no major issues, and had no real pull-back in doing what he did.
It's all about restraint - and we know how hard it is to restrain ourselves from doing something we think - in our finite wisdom and understanding - is fair and due. Only God knows peoples hearts and only He knows that each situation is different and all cannot be judged with the same manner.

God really does wow me with his wisdom - like each and every time!

Want to have some fun? Like to pop bubblewrap? Have fun:

http://mariemarie0000.free.fr/fichiers/images/pop.swf

hehe...

Yesterday was a holiday, and I lazed and dazed until everyone decided to go to the Savannah - the kids with their bikes and footballs, and the adults with the food, drinks and money for everything else :) It was such a blast - family time really can't be beat - no matter what is going on.

I am strangely excited... no one is really here this morning (took the Friday after the holiday off), and monthly reports are due - just got an assignment to give another report using data from fadda-knows-when... yet, there's something great about today - and I hope it isn't just the way my jacket fits!

*Zuper sweeps off into the air - keeping an eye out for that special something that is in the air*

About Having Balls

Another day, another dollar - or two.

I just didn't have the balls last night to tell mommy that I'm moving... I did, however, talk to my stepdad about it - he seems neither here nor there. He really brings be back to earth with his humble and unfluffy ways. I mean - he really does take the fluff out of situations until you're like "ooohhh, so that's the real deal!" His main concern is safety and, well, living with a stranger - which are two major ones. When I mentioned, "I just don't know how to tell mommy" with my usual worry look - I guess hoping for some sorta reaction to it - he replied, with a shrug, "how yuh mean, jess tell her" then mutters something inaudible or Japanese - not too sure :)

Having my first cuppa tea for the morning, sitting in my floral shirt and just-washed hair - it took me 20 minutes to 'clear it out' this morning - ach! It's getting too long and frustrating now. And just when I get the urge to cut it all off or grow ras, I read my girl's post this morning:

http://parrotpot.blogspot.com/

I'm sooooo gleaming! Like, super happy for her! *Am I gay or what?* I just so know that feeling... and having been feeling like the uber-opposite recently, it's like - personal hit home :) *Can't wait to see it, Parrot*.

I heard something horrid on the radio - so so horrid... a 6 year-old boy was found raped and brutally killed... I couldn't listen to the story, nor do I wish to read it - how puking horrid! I pray for his mom, and for justice to be served... God, honestly... please let this insanity stop. I have so many nephews... I can't imagine what demon-possessed soul would fathom such a though....

On that note - I feel all down again... it has really rocked not just me - an individual - it has rocked the nation...

Say a prayer.

*Zuper exits with a prayer*

Hello?!?!

Morning :)

Well, I didn't rest too much last night - actually, when I got home, my elder sister was there, and we hung out for a bit, until I even went over to her place to have a cuppa tea and talk/relax. My stiff neck was just getting worse, and everytime I lay down and got up, the top of my head would rock like something was going to fall out. But I just couldn't sleep... so we talked and limed until about 10pm, then I left her to hit 'my' bed - where I slept like a baby - well, a stiff-necked baby, at least :)

And I did eat a lil somethin' somethin' when I got home... though my stomach is no better - nor is my appetite. Ach.

I figure there's a bug of some sort going around... and I caught it. But added to this, I believe it is stress related - my mom is really onto me - she even went on to tell my elder sis, Suz, to encourage me to move out so I can get outta her face. It hurts to hear this... because really, I'm not too sure what I'm doing wrong - heck, she doesn't even let me know! She just pouts and 'blows hard' when I'm around. Anyways! None of that on this blog!!

This morning, all the Chemical Engineers came together to discuss why pressure is greater as you go down a pipe... now, mind you, no one is talking to me - in fact, the are downright excluding me here... I'm the only one in the office who wasn't asked if they knew why it is so...

HERROOOO?!?!?!? I did study Physics!!! I really am not considered much here - and my intelligence is not appreciated. Ah well - everything for a time, right? This is not the end of the world, nor does it have to be my one and only job and destiny :) hehe...

Ok! So what to do about that??? Go on to an MPhil. in, like, Physics or Mechanical Engineering??? Who knows... I'm trying. But the CFA is another option - just a more foreign one. It may bring more security in terms of job, title, etc... however, suppose I appreciate higher study in Mechanics?! Where the heck is that gonna take me - who knows... pull and tug... but me gotsta make up me mind!

*What will it be... will Zuper take on the life of security or would she dive into the world of research and academia... stay tuned, and keep reading The Adventures of ZuperZue!*

Un-hungry

I can't stand it... not even the thing that makes me sorta happy is working for me today... I AM NOT HUNGRY!!! It's so very frustrating...

You know, there's something about being stuck that's irritating and frustrating, but even more worser - being unhappy AND stuck. The worst! I mean... if you were unhappy yet seeing some sorta relief... that woulda been just a tad better... but the feeling of stagnating unhappiness... woof. That's how I feel from time to time...

I wonder if moving out would assist this a bit... for instance - I really don't feel up to par today. I would love to go home and rest... peace and tranquility for a bit. But that's frustrating since - well - there is not peace and quiet in my mom's house. Nor do I have my own space... so that's a bust. And I know if I go to the gym (got a training partner, abs class and Spin class waiting for me this evening) I'd frustrate myself even more - I won't be productive (cuz I just ain't eating!!!) or effective. Ach. So in this way, moving out would assist the situation.

I have a headache just thinking about it all...

Should I skip the gym and everything altogether and call up a friend and hit the cafe? Catch a movie? Ah - man - all I wanna do is read my book (current reading: By the River Piedra I Sat and Wept by Paulo Coehlo) in a quiet, cool place until I fall right asleep in no time... and rest this headache/icky feeling away.

The most horrid thing though - it's midday, I ain't eat nothin' yet, and my stomach is still churning thinking about food... how sick or frustrated can I be?!?!!? I mean, I ain't no eating fanatic, but I have always had a healthy appetite... woof. This has never ever happened to me before... not even during the most stressful exam times.

Random bit - you know my friend "Odwa" told me that he thinks I got to be even more undecisive and unsure of myself since he last talked to me (last year)... how horrid!! At 22, shouldn't I have a bit more going on? A tad more stability?? Holy crap - are you seeing this post??? If my unsureness were any clearer here... hmm... woof.

"You're not having lunch?", a coworker just came in and asked.

"Nope - just not hungry." I think it shocked him just as much as it initially shocked me.

*Zuper flies off back to her excel sheet*

Long weekend!

Well, herro there :)

No Friday post as I *ahem* took a day off - so I had a looong weekend :) I have vacation to take, but didn't think it necessary just yet, so I just took one day on Friday - and went to the beach with an old friend (for those who know him - Jonathan - yep - "Odwa"). We always have a blast together, and so - well - I had a blast :)

The beach (Maracas for those who know) was wonderful... white-ish sands, blue-ish waters... and the beautiful purple jellyfishes that came up ever so often... yep - it's that season. Well, the day didn't start with just the beach... I went very early in the morning to the bank to make my wire transfer to the money vampire *brrrrr* - i.e. IUB tuition postponement thingie. That was heck - first stood up in the wrong line for half hour, then stood up in the correct line for about 15 mins... then realised I didn't have enough info - thank God for Maria and my cellphone... I got the info, and made that painnnffuuulll money transaction to that bloody bank on Am Brill, Bremen... ouch!

Called up Jon right after to let him know that I was on my way... of course just running back home to pick up my NEWWWW swimsuit (I bought two on Thursday!!! If yuh seeeee nicenessss) and a blankie to lay on... with my mom all puffy-faced, I went to get Jon and off to Maracas... it was so cool. Got a wonderful tan too! And - woof - there was like a truck load of Christian Youth Camp tourists too... and when they were leaving, a guy came up to me "um, aren't you Christian?" I was like "er... yeah..." He goes on "Well, they're leaving... aren't you with them??" By the way... these tourists were white white white - like, glowing white eh!! At that time, I burst out laughing - with my Smirnoff bottles at my ankles in the sand and my tiny black string bikini just barely covering what the sun shouldn't get - "Um, no I'm Trini!" He burst out laughing too "Oh my goodness! Your accent is Trini - my bad!" It was hysterical. Firstly because - well - he thought I belonged to the white white white tourist group, and then because he'd think I was going to a Baptism with the church camp in my skimpy bikini, drinking Smirnoff and wild-playing with Jonathan!!!

Wooooooo hooooow - just got my payslip - money is INNN the bank! Thank you JESUS (well, yeah, NOW you could mistake me for the Christian Group Leader!).

I feel horrible today... stiff neck, upset stomach, body feeling weak... I guess you get that after a horrible weekend - blah.

And the saga with my mom continues - whatever. Long stupid story that I won't get into... HOWEVER - light at the end of the tunnel!!! I may move! I checked out the apartment in Chaguanas... nothing too great, but I would make the move ASAP.

Let me go do a bit of work... I'll hit you up laterrrrrr-o.

To infinity, and beyond!

Lunchtime

Salad and baked chicken - yum!

So - the team (Process Engineering at PCS) is gonna get polo jerseys and shirts made... and they (mostly men) ask for my input as to what colours - I chose Lilac and Lime green - of course, they were NOT the most popular colours... darn! But then again, imagine a group of about 10 men walking around in lime green or lilac shirts - that would be pretty darn funny :) *hears 'Macho Man' playing in the background - Macho macho man... I want to be, a macho man....

Today is Tae-Bo day... I called the landlady about the apartments (well, furnished rooms, rather) and TOLD THAT MISSY that today is NOT a good day to check it out - hehe. Just kidding... it's me first for real, though - workout first, then perhaps - if my ras ain't too tired - something after. However, I did get an appointment for Saturday morning to see the rooms. There are two available - and now thinking about it... it's scary, ain't it? Living alone... being independent... woof.

But - heck - I am The ZuperZue and I see eating a sandwich as an adventure! Can't wait to see what lies ahead of just about any action taken... I mean, a ripple can cause a wave... and whatever we choose to do now, will have a long lasting impact in how things turn out.

I do pray for the best... there is one major thing I want to get over... and I have my trust in God that I do get over it...

*It = being severly hurt by a loved one*

Ok! My salad and chicken are officially cold - who knows what will happen now!

*Zuper swooshes back to lunch - bis dann!*

Ta ta ta daaaaa!

Herroo there! My very first post... on my very first blog/online diary!
I thought it necessary, and inspired by my lovely GreenParrot... I hope I can keep up. We'll see.

Sooo.... I'm 22/f/trinidad - oh wait, that's for chatting! Hehe... really though - I'm back in the tropics *hears steelpan music in the background*, working in the energy sector - it's amazing how rich this country could be. I guess we are, in a sense, but some of the people don't see it/benefit from it... instead, low salaries remain low for the lower class locals, while we pay foreigners (already coming in at a higher class) exorbitant disposable salaries. Woof.

Anyways! I am grateful for what I got and for where I am - God blessed me, and I always should remember this. Heck - I can pay off my loans, I have a car, and soon enough - *please sit for this one* - I may have an apartment of my own! Well, renting - sure - but at least it would be 'mine', somewhat.

Why is this such a big deal? Well, ever since I returned to my humble home on the island, I haven't really been able to 'settle'... my room at my mom's house was transformed to my little brother's playroom, the guest room even seems to be more of a store room these days... and there ain't no push to make it a "Sue-Ann" room. So I've been spending my nights in the room that used to be my parent's... hmm... I sleep there, my clothes are in my old room somewhere next to my baby bro's toys, and I just fit in wherever else. Yep - it's still home, but sometimes the selfish part of me says "hey, I want my own space".

So, my big (not FAT! just elder!!) sister - Suzette - got some info on some apartments near where I work - in Chaguanas... I got the number of one particular room near the main road - supposed to be brand new rooms for TT$1,000... not bad AT ALL. Catch? Yep - shared kitchen and WC (toilet/bath)... hmm. Will still check it out perhaps this week. I'll keep you 'posted' - get it? Posted? As in, I post stuff here... hehe... woof.

Ok! So, I'm at work... and should go back to being all Statistician-y... so I'll hit you up lil later.

Zuperrrr to the rescue!