I ain't saying he's a nose digger...

But then again, I am.

At a meeting today, while sitting next to S. C (this nic is not my doing this time... he calls himself this), I got the full blast of his nervous reactions. While speaking, he closes his eyes - now though this is not the bestest of communicative methods, I can deal with this. The thing that I couldn't get was the nose picking! Ever so often - I've seen before - he'd slightly rub his nostrils while talking... today wasn't no rub - it was ah enter and sweep.

Now I sat next to him... so though I got a real view, there was nothing realer than the look on R's face - yep, R sat directly opposite the dude as he repeated - closed or fluttering eyes with the ever so often nose sweep and hand rub (post-nosesweep).

Sheesh.

Maybe it's unconcious, so I think I'd let L know - she's the kinda boss who'd let you know things you need to know. He can't go through life trying to talk to people who are grossed out by his nervous reactions.



So - I planned to go on a bit of a liquid diet for at least two days - to get my stomach back to normal after the week of birthday celebrations (celebrations = orgasmic food = too much eating *zue's eye long fuh days*). Problem - in order to only have liquids, you should have liquids prepared... presh-uh. So, flop numero uno. Ah well... might as well have that Catch *mmmm... caramely goodness*.

Food really like sex sometimes eh... once it's something you love, it's hard to say "wow, that one was terrible". And, too, when you really feel for one specific thing, and you can't get it so you head for something else, you rarely enjoy it as much, and use it just to satisfy for the hour.

*Or you get pleasantly surprised - and find a new favourite spot to hit*

Hey! Who said that?!!

*Whoopsie daisy*

Freak.


I went to get my nephew from the airport last night with big sis T. He came back on the same flight as Sizzla - to his greatest joy. But that is all secondary... I discovered a new obsession.... dum dum dummmm.... Chai Lattes! I fell deeply in love with the creamy spicy goodness that slipped down my throat and into my welcoming tummy.

I think I have OCD - sometimes.

New obsession - other than Chai lattes - Panic at the Disco's new song: But It's Better If You Do. I'm ODing on that, man.

But like their last song - I Write Sins, Not Tragedies - it would last about a month or so, until the new one takes over.

One more thing...

My baby bro said something zupa recently. My two sisters and I were harrassing his mother's ras asking him who was his favourite sister... he looked at each of us for a bit then said:

All three... all three are my favourite sister.

Singular - sister! Human nature! I like this is this one, and that in that other one... heck, put all those great qualities together and you get your favourite one!

Of course, I can also be a total lue-sah byatch and say that men start from early - one 'oman cyah satisfy he.

At least he's honest... how many guys snoop and lie about it?




*Zuper say enough sh-eye-t for the day... time to go flush*

Fear the Accounting Department

Seriously... every time I see M the Accountant, I tremble. *shudder* The mere thought of it - man, freaks me out.

He walks in - tall and ... indian - with the usual - some sheets of papers - superbly organised, staring at me as he walks in. His not-too-clear-looking eyes never leaving me, he starts "hey Sue..."

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo what did I ever do wrong, Dear Father Jesus?!

He continues - each word taking about 10 seconds to come out *he stutters* - with the same creamy-eyed gawk, most times with an extra smack while talking due to the incessant mint in his mouth. He not only stutters like crassy... he also speaks for no one - most times not even the person he's speaking to - to hear.

Now, don't get me wrong... I gave the guy a fair chance initially - thought he was just one of those quiet but funny and sarcastic dudes. Well, yah - his humour was initially quirky... then, it got to be gross and inappropriate, and now, I can no longer tolerate... well... just about anything that has his face on it - especially him.

Imagine - my boss wants me to do another file of the same budget, changing one of the plant's downtime - basically just to compare the two to see which is more feasible or whatever. Naturally, this leads to a change in production, energy consumption, yadda yadda.... right? Whew... d'uh. Anyways... so, I MISTAKENLY *oooh what a mistake* told M the Acc. that on Friday (yesh - mi burfday) - well, he asked if I could help him with something at 3:20pm (yesh - 10 minutes before Zupa's hometime) and I told him what I was then busy doing. Anyways... he goes on:

Oh, so the production is going to change?

Er... no, this is for L to just compare which seems more realistic.

Ah! Ok... so do you think it's going to change?

Um... well, I can't say... she just asked for me to do these calc's

Oh... I see... so more than likely it's going to change...

That's the thing - I don't know.

Hm... cuz then we'd have to change our records

M - the budget hasn't been presented it... hence the reason L wants to compare and make final touches - she's the boss

Oh, so the production is going to be different?



No... seriously... imagine this, with massive stutterings, standing over you for a good 20 minutes well. By the time I tried (but apparently failed) to get the point across, it was already near 4... and Zupa wanted to go out for a drink with the coworkers.

I sent the budget files at 4:30pm - Friday 25th August - to my boss.

7:30am Monday morning:

Hey Sue... any word yet on the changes?

Er... no M... L isn't even here yet.

Hmm... ok, so maybe like what time so I can check you again?

*Why bother to ask? You're going to come every hour anyways*

Give me til before lunch... I'll check with L.

He came at 10... at 11:30... at 12:30... at 1:15... I swear...

2:35am Monday afternoon, L comes into the office:

Sue - we're going with the __ days

L exits.

M enters almost 1 split second after she leaves my desk:

So we changing production?

Yes...

How so... like, what we gonna do...

M... I will send you the file to review... ok? It's done already.

Oh ok... so production went down by like how much so?

I'm sending it to you right now... everything's there.

Lo and behold - 10 minutes after he comes in with a hardcopy of the new budget - "Hey Sue..."


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

Blah blah... I explain some figures that he needed clarification on.

Ah ok... thanks

Nada

Half hour later, same question.

This happens at least 2 times before my unimpressed drab and dry look takes over.

I come this morning and within the hour, I get a call from his supervisor - Sue, can you come explain these (same) figures to me?


They both sit in his office, while the supervisor goes over the calculations on the spreadsheet I sent... No talking, just him going through the SELF EXPLANATORY spreadsheet, nodding while reading.

I. - perhaps I can come back... morning report due.

*Slight nod*

Ooof... I think I am beginning to fear M the Acc. more than I fear lizards.







*Zuper goes back into budgetland... Mark-free*

Last day as 22

Yup... just a few more hours before I hit the big 23. Woof... My mom had 5 kids at my age. I lapsin'!

I haven't done much work today... I did the essentials - reports et al... but then, pa-chaow! Nada mas.

So - at 10-something this morning, I get a call from security. I need to go down to the booth to collect a delivery made to me. Paow - a beautiful set-up of pink roses and other flowers with a pink bear attached and Chinese bamboo. S - you got me there... so didn't see that one coming. Though it was sorta embarrassing walking all the way back to my office with this in my hand! Ooof. hehe :)

Thanks, S.

So - I love Panic at the Disco... their new song is zuperb.... oi! A new favourite song on the way:

And isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety

My big bro on their music:

pack of crap...catchy pop in disguise...

*coughs - Lue-sah!*

23... 23... oh dear. 23! That's a HUGE number! It's like, 3 years older than 20, 2 years older than 21, 7 years older than sweet 16, 5 years older than 18... oooooof. It doesn't mean anything.... just - big. I gettin' big. Noooooooooo - I'm not reeaadddyyyyy.

But I am thrilled about it :)

I love the independence... secretly love the figuring things out and the failings and the new discoveries and and and... early 20's - what a trip.

My 22nd year has definitely been the WORST year ever...
I got my heart broken, joined in with the working world, got my first car, apartment, and light bill - I've fallen out with my mother more worser than ever, and I've pondered on the idea of not existing, I've encountered each emotion possible - I think. Extreme happiness, zupa zadness, deep depression, yearning and excitement like never before. And most significantly, at 22, I got my belly-button pierced. Fierce - I know.

I probably learnt the most on my own in this stage though... so not all to nought. Though I wished I could've died instead of gone through the things I did, I know that they were necessary, and enjoy the fact that I WENT (past tense!) through them...

Yes - sure... who's to say that 23 would be any different?

You'd hurt again and again Zupa... that's life.

Yeah - but the first cut is the deepest. And I have a scar to remind me of it.

In fact - I look forward to tomorrow... a whole new year to play around with. A year to do things, and for things to get done. A year to experience each emotion I've been exposed to, and learn of some new ones.

Come on, hit me with your best shot. I dare ya'.


You know why 22 is the worst year ever? Because it is sh*t - literally. 22 = 2, 2 = two two = "too too" = crap = sh*t = ... you get it. Pure and utter s-h-eye-t.

Because of this age ("too too") you end up doing sh*t, taking sh*t, tolerating sh*t, finding yourself in sh*tty situations, getting a sh*tty job and sometimes look like sh*t - why? Because you are too too... and too too defines you for one whole year. Thank God I'm getting outta this sh*t soon enough. Sh*t man.




*Zue zoo wanders back into work land... 2 more hours zupa... just 2 hours more*

Ordinary People

And we don't know which way to go...
Cuz we're ordinary people...
Maybe we should take it slow...
Take it slooooowwwwwwwww ohhh ohhh ohhhh... This time we'll take it slow....

Dude... why am I eating so much? Don't I understand that my birthday is THIS FRIDAY and that I should aim to look hot and sexy and slim and fabulous? Don't I understand that once food is within a 4m radius that I do not have to eat it? Geez...

I mean, yesterday was just horrid - from chocolates and other sweets, to greasy potato pies with channa, and pelau, baked potatoes, grilled chicken in pholourie sauce, and spagetti with red beans and onions... I do not have to eat at each and every venue I go to! Like drugs, SAY NO TO FOOD!
Woof...


Anyways... so, story time:

There once was a girl who had a boy... they went through too much together for their ages... but she was smart and he was a natural imps :) So while she pursued her degree in foreign cold lands, he stayed home and scratched.
Well, he scratched a bit too much, because while she was doing her thing in the big and cold, after a couple months, while she got her degree, he got a baby boy. This mashed her and thrashed her... and she felt a hate that kept a bind on her - a bind that kept him close to her, too. So they continued even though he was a new daddy. She hated him deep down, though.

Unhealthy? To say the least... yep.

She couldn't take anymore, parted ways with him after monnnntthhhhssss of in and out and around the bend... yep - though it sounded like "just another loop" with them, she made it final.

How the story ends? I dunno... but the most recent entry into this Mad Diary - the guy is getting married to his baby's momma. Uh huh... y' herrrrdddd. Fo' shizzle.

How does she react?

I can now control you with a smile

Yep - and that's how she knows things can be ok. Cuz after the storm, there is the calm... or, well, if it's the right season - another storm! Whatever... at least this time she'd know how to prepare better. And she's enjoying the new waters... rough or steady. Whatever :)

And that's the best part - the 'whatever' factor.



I swear... if I eat anything else, I'd faint or explode. Oof...





*Zue sings: I've always wanted for you what you've wanted for yourselfand yet I wanted to save us high water or helland I kept on ignoring the ambivalence you feltand in the meantime I lost myselfin the meantime I lost myselfI'm sorry I lost myself... I am*

I smell sex and candy

Well, maybe not exactly, but I did eat chocolate. Oof... is it possible to gain 10 pounds in the 5 minutes I took to eat that chocolate? Darn it... I'm bustin' out all over the place.

My already small shirt makes me feel slightly Winnie the Pooh-ish.


So, weekend is over... Monday is gone... what did Zuper encounter?

Zu went to see My Super Ex-girlfriend on Friday... what a load of crap.

Then, the skater/rocker/biker concert on Saturday... local bands again (Bazodee truly rocks!!! and Burn sang some Zuper Zongs!!!) Had a bit of a scary ordeal - an encounter with a guy whose money and power got to his head and he paid off a big guy to "fix" a friend of mine... so while I sat in the car praying to get out of this safely, he was being "scared off and fixed"... ooof. Thank God that only involved a busted lip. My prayers were answered and the fear subsided after a couple hours... Thank God. The only other time I felt like that was when the taxi I was in got robbed... total and utter helplessness.

It's silly that only then do I really feel the need for God... yes, sure - I feel (and most probably are) utterly helpless in that situation, but I wish I could want God all the time like that. But not in those circumstances, of course.

Just to imagine things like this happen all the time - and even more worser things... it's baffling. I tell you... there must be justice in the world.

Then I went to watch a movie at S's place. He fell asleep... and I totally enjoyed Memoirs of a Geisha. Then is when I found out some things about S...

1. He snores... loudly
2. He can do chinese dances
3. He plays the bass even when sleeping

I swear... some chinee song come on, and my boy sleeping away eh... next thing I see shoulder movements and ting - in time with the "ching ching" of the tune too eh. Presh-uh. And then, at other times, quite randomly, his fingers would twiddle like he's plucking the strings of a guitar.

Then was church Sunday morning - I hearted the message... Pastor talked about Forgiveness and Reconciliation. So wonderful. "Forgiveness is mandatory and recommended... Roconciliation is optional and sometimes not the wise decision".

Love it.

Then - went to see "John Tucker must die"... another load to fill the crapper bowl. Oi. Or like a friend of mine said when inviting me to see the movie: "John F*cker Mus' Dead". Trinis.

Remember "how do you pop rock?"... I got another one:

On the phone last night, I said:

Darn, I feel hungry

(ok ok... that's the translated version... it was more like, oh gorm boy... ah horngry!)

Maybe I'd do some chicken strips

Pause on the phone... then laughter. Reply was:

Maaaan... I thought you said you were gonna get some chickens to strip.


The image of a stripping chicken to some porno music was too vivid... I laughed for probably 15 minutes straight.


Oh yeah... remember that the buggers didn't want to give me a new PC... well, my old PC is protesting for me at least... this is the second time since the departmental upgrade that the motherboard has crashed... oh yeah, baby... in yo' face.




*Zue-zoe goes back into fat land... now that she found out how to gain a million pounds in 1 second, she has to find out how to lose 2 million in just half a second... off to consult Professor Klump*

Macushla

That's Irish Gaelic for "My darling, my blood". So beautiful, eh?

I was gonna write about something chirpy - something else... but I just got some grim news that has me thinking about human nature again...

There must be justice in the world, right? RIGHT?! I mean, good people end up having results finally, and bad people gets what's coming to them eventually... right?! I have to believe this, guys...

I see bad people being promoted every day... bad people being applauded and being given props all the time. On the other hand, there are some good people who slave and suffer - sometimes even under their bad bosses!

I know of this woman who took in her boyfriend of just about a year into her home with her kids... they formed a life together, which suited them both at the time. She paid the bills - I mean, it was her house after all - and he got to live in it. He got paid very little as he had no real skill (nor brains).

*Am I biased... naaaahhhh*

One day - he gets money. He wants more. He buys expensive car, but wants more. He wants an even more expensive car... she reminds him of their plan to keep the cheaper car, sell hers, and fix up the house for the family. He says he's worked too hard to drive anything else but that great big expensive metal on wheels... and he refuses to give it up. She tells him to leave. He waits for her to stop him and ends with "You really are putting me in a situation here" - talking about the fact that he has no where to park his big new car. She leaves the room.

I detest him.

She wonders if she made a mistake.

I assure her.

*Nancy! Don't be a ninny!*


Tell me that things work out in the end... please?! Please, God?! I need to know that he will pay for his selfishness and that she turns out to be stronger and better without him.

Justice needs to be served... bitter for the bitter, and sweet for the sweet.

I got to believe that... else I'd vanish.

Music Video Codes By Free-MusicVideoCodes.com




*Zue is off for the weekend... and I can't wait for the future ride....*

BESS SONG!

I WRITE SINS, NOT TRAGEDIES (Panic At The Disco)

Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

I'm bringing sexy back

Them other boys don't know how to act
I think what’s special is behind your back
So turn around and I’ll pick up the slack.

Come here girl
Go ahead, be gone with it
Come to the back
Go ahead, be gone with it ...


Whoop whoop... schekshie song!

Today's Roberto's big day - his sweet sixteen. He's such a big chunk of love that I just can't never get enough of, y'herd! Firstly, he asked me to spend the night - y'know, to ring in the big day. Well, I had an impromptu thing last night and promised him that - yes - I will be back soon.

"Quick eh Sue-Ann... doh take long."

"ok ok... "

He called while I was out:

"Um, Sue-Ann... you ready to come home now?"

"In a sec Doo-doo... I'll be home soon enough."

He waited up for me... was falling asleep and when I kissed him to wake him up, he just looked at me and the sweetest smile came over his little mouth. Oof! I love that dude.

He strongly requested three things for his birthday:

1. An electric guitar

2. A motor bike

3. A gameboy Advance Spiderman 2 game


Guess which I'm getting. Of course the deciding factor was how much NOISE it makes :) I'm concerned about the environment!

Liar - unless the environment lies in your wallet

Oh shush.






*Zuper! The party's onnnn tonightt.... oooh, it's on!*

I write sins, not tragedies

I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the ***damn door?!" No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.

One mother of a song here! Yip.

First things first... whyyyyy whyyyy did I not do laundry this weekend?! Why dear God? *sniff sniff*

What have I done?!

Of course, all my snazzy pants are dirty, right... so, naturally, I got out a pair of pants I haven't worn in ages...

Let's just say that this is how I look:


Yah... like one great brown fuzzy bear.

The pants are - I guess - great... but they are soooo fuzzzyyyyyy and browwwnnn... oof. Whhyyyyyy. What did I do?!










Anyways - the weekend! After a stressfull run with the boys (kids) and that MovieTowne/money-spending trip, I needed a dose of adult-something. So I called J. up after I had a nap on Friday evening and at about 11pm we headed... er... all over. We first went to have KFC's "taste of India" chicken (yeah, it looked kinda green-ish like that) - yep, curry-fried chicken - then we just drove and drove after. We then finally landed in a club that was near empty at 2am. He's always been a fun breath of fresh air, and I felt good after headed home at about 4am. Not wanting to drive all the way back to Chag., I called my sister to see if I spend the "night"... expecting to hear a gruggy voice, I was oh too startled to hear a chirpy hello... of course, she said, she was surprised to hear me, too, as she was expecting to hear "oh, sorry - wrong number". Funny. Her husband used to tell her "yuh like a lil cockroach eh... squibbling about at weird hours doing things". She'd never change :)

Of course, in true T and S style, we stayed up and talked until about 5:30am, then I knocked out - cold. Slept til 1pm or so.

And then it was pop-rock... or as someone *ahem - J - ahem* said after I invited him "how do you pop a rock?" Talk about a Geologist to the core. Heh.

Pop-rock music awards, nerd! Well, this year it was more of a concert - no competition. Talk about poorly attended this year. Anyways, my sis invited her friends from school - one Grenadian (my ex-roomie), a Vincentian and a St. Lucian. They seemed to - er - enjoy the "different" setting. Apparently it was their first rock concert. Keekee.

The DJ also played some crappy music in between bands... I had to go request some good songs - one being I write sins, not tragedies... I almost went mad - my zuper belt fell off in the midst of my jumping and singing "I'd chime in with a haven't you people ever heard of..."

I had a blast, as always... Suz was disappointed that the bands really weren't what they usually are... but maaaan... I love the local bands. Rojas (from Orange sky) - I think he was checking me out... well, he kept looking our way even though his girl was right there *oof, guys*, and Jointpop's dude hung with us for a bit too... it was ever so random. Insert Coin was so good, and my fav band - Burn - rocked the docks. Xenn didn't play, nor did O-Sky or Skid, but they were all there... can't wait for another live performance thingie like that.

Er... then church on Sunday... no beach, and lots of food. Still tired, and with no boss, no deputy boss nor any secretary here today - the temptation to leave at half day is too strong. Must... resist....

Doo-doo's birthday is tomorrow, and he's having a sweet sixteen party... so I do have to leave early enough, anyways, to go get gifts et al. Baby bro is growing up *sniffle*.




*Zuper! You've got work to do! Darn it!*

Crash

It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

Those were the first lines in the movie Crash... such a great movie. Thing is, you watch it at different times, and you pick up different things.

So many parts in that movie you want to hold with you - like when the supposedly racist cop tells the other seemingly meek and mild former-partner cop who chose not to ride with him anymore cuz of his aggresive and overtly racist behaviour - "give yourself just a couple more years on the force... You think you know who you are. You have no idea."

Or when Jean, talking on the phone with one of her 'friends' - "I'm angry all the time... and I don't know why."

Ooof.

We're ridden with prejudices - if we know it or not, we still are.

So! Anyways! Hi! I'm wearing another snazzy tan-coloured jacket for the first time since I bought it (monntthhhs ago - heck, my mom and I bought it together, to tell you how long ago I bought it!) - and I feel so good in it. I mean, even just walking down the hallway I'm hearing Madonna's 'Vogue' - heck, I step into a room and all I hear is "strike a pose".



Sheesh. Isn't it funny that when you look good, you feel good? Or is it that you think you look good, so you feel good about yourself? Either way, it works :D And, today, it works well. *teehee*

Oh geez, M.... I have to admit to you that AT THIS VERY MOMENT I am breaking my diet contract... and I kinda don't feel guilty. Whoopsie daisy. And today is Curry-Q day... so more worser.




*Zue continues to get down and dirty with her bad self on this beloved tea plate - oh man, I love pastries*

Figuring out

As for the date with M.E. - as usual, and as expected, we had a blast. Parrot told me once that everytime M and I go out we have some story to tell - something always happens. And this time was no different.

M and I got to Movietowne, bought our tickets for the 9:45pm show (at ~ 6pm), and headed to Ruby Tuesday's. We settled on appetizers and desserts - yuh know, in true trini style, to basically get as much taste in as possible (lickrishness!). Two coctails (each) and some wunderschoenderlichen chicken strips et al later, we - being lickrish and not learning our lesson from last time - ordered some ... hear nuh.... zuper brownie sundaes... hear nuh! Ruby Tuesday's chocolate fudge brownie is de bess. It look small eh... but oh ma lard... half-way through, I begane to see stars. I had to stop - realising that M had stopped too... it was too bloody rich and thick - why didn't we share?! Fadda...

We sat there, trying to shift and turn for the full bellies to settle so that we won't have to be rolled out of the place, and then headed out. Sure - we had time still - I mean, the movie was to begin in about an hour, but there was no way I could ingest anything further, nor was I able to walk around the shopping stores... no way possible. So we headed back to our cars to take a lil lie dong. I see M going in her car while I going in mine... didn't make sense to me:

"Err.... why we going in different cars?"

D'uh - so we both got into mah moss-green machine, put on the music and put the seats back - ahhh.... my belly was happy.

We chatted and laughed - innocent bliss. Next thing I know - red CRV middle aged lady stares and points her husband/whatever and friend/whatever to our direction. Now, we right there, so I look back - wondering what the heck they staring at. Of course, *yuh know me* put my hand up like "what's the deal? What yuh want? WHA YUH LOOKIN AT?!" - and sure enough I got a response... thank God for my mom's lip-reading training (yuh know those silent bouffs when allyuh in public nuh), I was able to read - direct from the devil's... I mean, lady's mouth:

"LESBIANS"

A a... she repeats it and looks as if she wants to approach us. Well yuh know Mz. Zue had to nod so as to reply - yes b*tch.

I guess trying to figure out situations and people are just a natural part of the human brain and personality, however, like is only we trinis that boldface enough come and blurt out their prejudices - colourfully displaying their ignorance. Oi - we have a far way to go.

This was followed by a guard passing up and down by my car and trying to throw words at us while passing - finding out later (from a guard friend - or, well, whatever - a guard there who calls me Suzette Lopez each and everytime (Suz is my sister's name, and Lopez is my cousin's surname... woof - well, she's close enough, at least) that the other guard was throwing words about our "lesbian activities" in the carpark. Jeeezzz....

This leads to horrid painful memories though - not lesbian activities, but of the greatest hurt in my life from some male-female activities in a car and possibly a car park. I hate you, B.A.

Effin' A.

So anyways, some advice my bro gave to me concerning my idea on going to the UK on the Working Holidaymaker thingie:

Before leaving for promises of greener grass I think you should check that this is not just all in your head.
My recommendation would be to take your focus off of trying to rule the world before you turn 30, relax and set realisitic career goals...

and he concluded, in true Wel style:

...so you telling me you have a cushy high paying job that you can't relax for 1 more year on? We should all have your problems.

Gotta love having big bros.





*Z continues to munch on her peanuts - trying to push sh*tty memories out of her head.... ooof*

The Devil Wears Prada

I have a very special date tonight ... one with a Ms. M.J.E. Oh yeaaahhh... dinner and a movie and and and.... that's the way it goes with us and these things...

Like when we'd take hours for lunch and dinner at this very corner - I mean, we would have no real intention of staying THAT long, but we always did - unless one of us had a bitchy day and had to be alone :) Of course, I was the one who NEVER EVER EVER had a bitchy day - but those other girls and their mood swings! *hehe ahem ahem - don't you DARE comment... or else!*

So - more on my date... ME and I (that sounds schizo) are off to Tony Roma's for dinner fuss fuss, then to Movietowne to catch that movie on that she-devil wearing expensive footwear.

*Zue drools on the thought of good, nice, expensive footwear...mmmm*

I'm excited to see her... we've been on such a rollah-cohstah recently - individually and with each other - heck, I guess that's friendship.

So - the African-dress-day is today, and here's a pic of my friend, D... this outfit was brought in from Nigeria... excuse me :) again, I feel the need to protest on discrimination against the lighter folk! Ain't I got African roots too?! Shrimps man.


















You know contractions - they occur far apart at first, and then they come closer and closer together? Well, I'm about to have the baby... Yes... the contractions at work were few and far apart... now, not only do they occur daily, but sometimes different issues in one day! I'm about to pop, and I'm oh-too-excited about it.













*What is Zuper gonna pop out? Stay tuned... on the Adventures of ZuperZue!*

Diary of a Mad Half-black Woman...

You don't know that movie? Woof - you're lamer than I thought!

It's based on this girl - just about 22 - 23 years old, I believe - who lives in the Caribbean. Think her name is Sue, or something like that. Those are unnecessary details to the real message behind the movie - unfair or not, her life took a swooshing topsy-turvy hit, causing her to really take a vital turn around - apparently "starting anew". She was more or less forced out of the life she grew to know into the unknown - basically fending for herself - I believe she even had to move to another country (UK, I think it was... not sure), pick up a job she never thought of doing before - all the while picking up the pieces of her heart and very being that seemed to have been shattered.

I never saw the end of the movie, though... apparently only one Person has, and He just won't tell.

*Shakes head despondently* "Just another bitter half-black woman..."

"I'm not bitter...... I'm mad as hell."


On the topic of half-black, apparently tomorrow 'my' company is having a Emancipation lime and the word is some people were asked to dress in African wear as there is some competition for best African garb. Hello?! How come I wasn't asked?! I - like most other people here - have African roots! I should confront them about this - discrimination against the lighter-skinned folk.

Of course I'm kidding... it's true - my father is 'black', but I'm as pale as...as... medium pure beige in the Maybelline (NY) Dream Matte Mousse makeup :)

What exactly did the makeup lady say again? I was just about to pick up a colour in the "Honey Beige" section when I heard something like:

"Dahlin', dat colour ain't go work on you yuh know... yuh hadda go lighter - like the Light Beige - yuh face real pale yuh kno'"

"Er... no thanks... I'll just test the Medium Beige, please"

"We ain have no tester in dis nah... but I tellin' yuh... you real pale"

"Uh-huh - got that the first time... I'll just take the Medium Beige... thanks"

*slight steups* "Or-rite"

Or like yesterday at the Laundromat - dropping off some shirts, and after talking to the girl for like 10 minutes before (about some shirt of mine that they still had for me):

"Address, please"

"Blah blah blah... Chaguanas"

"Ok... you was always dey? Or you now move in... you from Venezuela or sometin'?"

"Uh - I'm Trini..."

"Fuh true?!"

Must be the latina-accent and trouble finding proper - er... how you say? - phrases while talking that gave me away.




*Zu-zu remembers - ooooh.... she's at the office! Maybe she should start some work... whoops - it's lunchtime*

Whosalosa?

I am sooooo procrastinating right now... I kinda need to clean up my desk and organise some stuff (monthly report is basically done), however...

Should I fight this procrastinating habit? It was so much easier to make changes when younger - it was not too much pressure to starve myself until I felt good enough in my own skin, or becoming vegetarian (well, for almost a year, anyways), or anything that required - basically - a change in day-to-day living.

Why?

It's not like I'm super comfortable now so much so that I feel no need to really change... au contraire. However, I give less than a rat's ras about people's perception of me... I mean, before, my motivation seemed mainly external... er... is that right? Er... I'm confused now... cuz I think I was more content then than I am now, and actually, thinking about it... I am very concerned about how I am perceived... Jeez... I think I'm crazily confused (*nah, you're fine... just stick with me, and we'd be just fine...*) - Huh?! Who said that?!

Is there a way to train yourself to be more decisive? I don't think I'm that badly off, I just seem so and well - I dunno *hehe*... for instance, on the coffee-thing with Mr. B.J. I kinda shifted around before settling on which table I wanted to sit at... but, as he also noted, I had something in mind - I didn't want that one cuz the lighting was too bright, nor that one cuz the lighting was uneven and so close to the glass wall that I felt any passer-by would bump into me or could see up my nose... not even that one, either, cuz it was too much in the open - middle of the floor? Don't think so. So we found the perfect one - next to a plant, against a wall, shady but not-too-dark lighting and the window close enough to feel open yet just a good enough distance away to feel that - yes, we are inside the shop and not actually sitting on the road. It had the comfy feeling - j'h-know? So, though it looked as if I just couldn't choose, I just had to have an ideal-ish feeling before I could sit. Who doesn't do that?! *They're weird* I agree... but who said that?!

I always had that problem - with idealism... I remember when reading up for this assignment for the Crowther course (Semiotics - remember, K? Good times at 4am nearing summertime and hearing you scream out "F*cking birds!" at the end of an all-nighter) on Reynolds' philosophy on art and ideals... even then he noted that though the ideal state (which everything apparently has) could never ever be attained, artists keep striving to capture it - with each 'time' being a step further to achieving it than the last.

So why can't I just accept that - look, I cannot achieve the 'ideal life' I probably have in mind - and though I can strive for it, I should just be content with accepting that that's all it is - striving for the ideal, and fine enough with each progressive stage.

Bleh :P

*You talk too much crap* - Yuck Fou.




*Zuper is off to find some structure - well, at least after she finishes her tea and then checks her emails, and voicemail, and ... Zu! You're drifting again! Darn it...*